Daughters who have lost their Mother

[Shelly F - Ohio]

I need a hug.

So I am passing a hug on to all of you..

{{{{{ HUGS}}}}}

 

[Alysa]

Sending hugs right back Shelly.

 

[Mamajama4]

Thinking of you, has to be hard!!

 

[jazzhandsrobit]

My mom passed away a little over two months ago, May 3, 2013. She battled colon cancer for three years. I miss her so much, I am 19 and she is basically my best friend. Its weird because my dad, brother, and i are going to Disney World this September and I am excited for it, but I worry about randomly just being consumed by grief by being there without her. She was my Disney buddy. The cancer was already metastasized when they found it; i truly think it was her own willpower and love for us that pushed her to go through with all the hell of the past three years just so she could stay with us as long as possible. I never thought i would regret saying my life is turning into a Disney movie(haha?). The only thing that makes me really happy is that i am a musical theater major and she always wanted to go into theatre. She was a dancer for most of her life growing up and she used to teach tap and ballet. She was so happy to see me pursuing my dreams and always let me know how much she loved me and was so proud of me. I love her so much and always will. Its nice, although somewhat saddening, to share and listen to these stories. I don't feel as alone knowing we are all going through this in our own ways.

 

[I Run Long]

I am so sorry for your loss. Reading your story just breaks my heart. I hope you are able to let yourself grieve even if you are at Disney - but allow yourself those truly wonderful moments of happiness and good memories.

 

[ACDSNY]

jazzhandsrobit

My heart is breaking for you too. My youngest sister was about your age when our mother died from colon cancer 15 years ago. I'm sure your trip will be bittersweet at times, but let yourself go with the flow and remember the good times you've had together.

 

[Mickeymagic123]

.

 

[wilkeliza]

Not a club anyone wants to be apart of but unfortunately I am. My mother died November 3, 2003. I was only 15. This year will be 10 years since her passing but it still feels like yesterday. I'll never forget the night when I was just shy of 12 and we found out about the cancer. I cried for days because all my brothers and I knew was that she was very very sick and nobody was letting us see her or know what was wrong. The hardest part was the first few months our extended family lied to us about what was wrong and since my mom was recovering from her first of many battles she didn't have the strength to talk to us.

To make this whole situation worse my father and mother were divorced and my father was abusive so many days I could only think of that fact that if mom died I'd be forced to endure my father every day. Unfortunately that is what happened and even though my grandparents fraught for us our crooked small town judge still gave my dad custody.

Her only wish for us was to take us on a Disney vacation and even though that never happened my school took me with a bunch if other kids just 6 months later. I sobbed the night before that I was getting to go and complete her dream.

 

[Lisa71]

Big hugs to all. My cousin lost her mom at age 9 and I will share this with her when I see her next. She is 16 now.

 

[kelowatt]

My mom died five years ago between Chrsitmas and New Years. My sister was 30 and I was 33. She was 59 and had been in a nursing home for the last five years of her life. This will be the first trip I've taken with my family since she died. My dad and sister went without me a few years ago and said it was a bit emotional.

It's bitter sweet for me. I have lots of fond memories of spending time as a family. She had MS since I was a preteen, and even when she started using a wheelchair more and more, Disney made it easier for us to spend time together as a family on vacation than any other vacation destination we tried. Its so much more accessable, from the rooms to the layout to the rides. I am really grateful to Disney for making changes above and beyond what the ADA requires so that we could enjoy more together. I'm glad I get to revisit those memories, and I'm sad that she won't be there for this trip, and that she never had the chance to go with a grandchild.

I still remember months before my dad's 40th birthday mom spending HOURS AND HOURS trying to get my dad (Jimmy) an antique Jiminy Cricket watch. This was in the time before eBay, so it was quite the endeavor. We celebrated his birthday at King Stephens, and Cinderella presented the watch out to him right before the cake. That whole trip is one of my fondest memories from childhood. My mom was a very thoughtful person, and was always thinking of creative ways to show people she cared about them. I'm planning on buying a TON of glow necklaces and other things to hand out to other kids in the park on our trip, as a way of passing that spirit along to others.

 

[Eoywin]

My mom passed away from a two year battle with colon cancer in August 2002. She made it to my collage graduation but passed less than a week later. Her birthday and her deathday are eight days apart and it's the hardest week of the year for me.

She loved Disney and was always looking forward to being a grandmother. I think she would have adored DD.

Christmas is always bittersweet for me - it was her favorite holiday and I have a lot of her Christmas decorations (My dad doesn't decorate nearly as much as my mom did and he's remarried now). Even after 11 years, it's still hard.

 

[WantToGoNow]

I lost my mom early Christmas morning - this will be 17 years ago. My oldest dd was 12 at the time and I have had two more children since then but Christmas will never be the same. Each year I think it will be easier but it never is.

 

[Disney Springs]

Motherless Daughter's Club - You don't really know what it feels like until you join the club. No one understands that this is a life altering loss that leaves a big hole in your heart&.forever. Regardless of what your age was when it happened.

I joined the club when I was 7 years old. My husband is amazed with all the memories I have of my mom. You would think a young child would not remember their mom, but I do.

The first awkward situations I remember was at school. I was in 2nd grade when my mom "passed" the summer prior. (She was a missing person, and police labeled her case as a homicide 8 years later.) Kids would ask me why I didn't have a mother. I would lie to them and say she died from smoking cigarettes. (She did smoke a lot, so that's where I got the idea from.)

At 7, I just didn't understand the situation, and I wanted to be able to say she died of something. Instead of the truth, which was her body was never found, and I didn't know how she was killed. It was like she disappeared out of thin air. And there was never a funeral to say "goodbye". I was robbed of that.

On top of that, my parents were divorced at the time. So my brothers and I went from being "divorced kids", bouncing back and forth between parents, to "kids who had no mom, and had to go live with father whom they hardly saw".

So kids at school thought it was weird that my parents were divorced. But they divorced when I was 3 years old, so that's all I knew growing up. Then kids thought it was weird when I'd say I didn't have a mom. You know, what kid doesn't have a mom? Everyone does....until they don't. You just don't expect to lose your mom that young.

Any daughter who lost their mother at a young age understands these things:

You cry during monumental moments because you wish your mom was there. I was a tomboy in school and had more guy friends than girlfriends. I don't like to do idol chat like normal girls. I've gotten a bit better with that over the years. But still. My personality and how I define myself is from losing my mom when I was a child. Good or bad, it's what I am forced to deal with the rest of my life.

Anyway, I wanted to share an amazing book I'm reading right now. I stumbled upon it in the self help section at the bookstore. It's called "Motherless Daughters" by Hope Edelman. We are really not alone in the club, and it helps to know that everything we feel, and how we go through our lives is normal or as normal as can be.

 

[maxaroni]

I recently joined the club. My mom passes 3/5/14. She had been very sick and in so much pain for so long. She had many strokes, blocked brain artery, cardiac stents in 2 arteries but the other 2 arteries were too bad, COPD, and end stage renal disease. She was 77 years old. My DH, DS21, dad and I were with her. This is so hard. Mom and dad were married 58 years and together since they were 15.

 

[JeanetteK]

I too recently joined this sad club. I lost my mom on March 3, 2014. Monday will be three weeks since she's been gone. I started a thread over on the Community Board (I wasn't even aware that the Coping & Compassion board was here). I've had some very nice people stop by my thread and share their stories there, and it has helped me some to not feel so alone in how I am feeling emotionally and physically, even. I do okay when my husband is here with me. If I am alone, that's when I have a really difficult time coping with this. I am a housewife, so I don't have children to keep me busy, and I have no outside job to go to to keep my mind occupied.

Being with my mom the last day she was with us was honestly the hardest day of my life (besides her funeral). She was struggling so much that day just trying to breathe. They gave her a combination of Ativan and morphine to calm her and to keep her as comfortable as possible.

She was my best friend. We loved to bake together and now I cannot turn my oven on without standing there bawling. I went through her clothes at home with my step-dad, but everything I brought home with me is still in the trunk of my car. I can't bear to go through it here at home yet. My sister is feeling the same way. I think we will do it next week, but everything is still so fresh. It just hurts. The pain is unlike any I've ever experienced.

I just miss her so much. I just want my mommy back.

(Hi Maxironi -- good to see you've also found this board.)

 

[ACDSNY]

Hugs to the newcomers. May time and memories bring you some comfort.

 

[Susan C]

So glad to have spotted this thread. Today would have been my Mom's Birthday. She passed away on Christmas Day this year. Although I was happy to see her suffering from stroke and dementia end, I miss her keenly.
She was my best friend, and biggest fan. It is so hard to adjust to not talking to her daily. I'm having a pity party for myself right now... I was blessed to have had her for 51 years.

Thanks for reading
Susan

 

[maxaroni]

So glad to have spotted this thread. Today would have been my Mom's Birthday. She passed away on Christmas Day this year. Although I was happy to see her suffering from stroke and dementia end, I miss her keenly.
She was my best friend, and biggest fan. It is so hard to adjust to not talking to her daily. I'm having a pity party for myself right now... I was blessed to have had her for 51 years.

Thanks for reading
Susan

Hi neighbor

I don't live far from you. I am sorry for the loss of you mom. My mom passed 3/5/14. Yesterday would have been her 78th birthday. I had her 57 years. My dad had her 63 years, married for 58. She was very ill and in pain for quite awhile. She is now at peace and no longer suffering. It still is so hard to believe she's gone

 

[teruterubouzu]

I'm glad I found this thread. It's been just over a year since my mom died from early onset Alzheimer's. It was a terrible journey that i wouldn't wish on anyone. The strange thing is that I think the anniversary of her death was harder than the day it happened. I suppose adrenaline kicked in and I was also grateful she was no longer struggling. Now it's been enough time that I really feel the loss of the person she was before she got sick. The run up to Mother's Day is also making it really painful.





Thank you for listening. I'm going to go back now and read back in the thread so I know your stories.

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

As Mothers day draws near, its a day that is hard to bear. Thankfully I am not a Mom but rather a Mom to my fur babies. My DH celebrates Wifes Day on the Saturday before Mothers day. He says I still do all the duties a Mom does but I do them as a wife and now as a Mom to our fur babies. So he will take me out to dinner on Sat. and I get a card from the fur babies. And like wise for Fathers day we celebrates "Husbands day" the Sat. before fathers day.

For Mothers day I like to buy a very nice bouquet of flowers for Mom. Think about how we use to spend the Mothers day and reflect a bit.

May you all find comfort in some special way as Mothers day approaches. Hugs to each and every one of you.

I wish my Mom were here now. I have a burn blister on my back from using a heating pad on my hurting back and could use her advise and comfort.