Wedding gifts

[vikster1]

What do you do for a wedding gift for 2 people attending?

Do it vary on the venue? hall/catering place/mansion/estate.

Cash or gift from the registry?

The last wedding I went to I felt I didn't give enough @300.00. It very a beautiful mansion in north jersey.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

I never hear of the venue determining the value of a wedding gift!

I'd chose something from the registry I could afford. I would spend more for a closer friend or relative.

 

[cookingqueen]

Generally speaking we go with a set amount, which has changed over the years. For family we always do more, but right now the gift we give is cash ( I really think that for a wedding that is what most people want- shower gift off the registry, cash at the wedding!) and we spend $250....I can remember the good old days of $75... I think it does depend on the part of the country that you live in also.

 

[veraletta]

I went to a website that tells you how much you should pay.
http://www.theweddingenvelope.com/
It will calculate by how much you make and how well do you know the couple.. I love it...I've haven't gone to many wedding this last few year and will be getting ready to go to one next year. It told me I should give $235.00 which is around the price I was thinking about sending.

 

[Pooh2]

I never hear of the venue determining the value of a wedding gift!

I'd chose something from the registry I could afford. I would spend more for a closer friend or relative.

Same here. Give what you can afford.

I have heard of the "pay for the plate" mentality, but how on earth would you inquire what a person paid for their plate or venue, that would be extremely tacky.

 

[mjkacmom]

Same here. Give what you can afford.

I have heard of the "pay for the plate" mentality, but how on earth would you inquire what a person paid for their plate or venue, that would be extremely tacky.

The OP is in a "pay plate" area (and should not get a gift off of the registry, but he or she already knows that).

It's more like a guide, not a hard and fast rule. My average is $250, and will go up and down, depending upon the relationship with the couple. It won't really change based on the venue. I'm guessing, in most cases here, $250 - $300 will "cover my plate," but I will give the same for a less expensive venue, or a more expensive venue (my cousin's wedding probably cost twice that, but there was no way I would give him that much - he makes about 6 times as much as DH).

I'm sure most people in other areas have a similar set amount they give, regardless of the venue. However, it appears that a lot of wedding venues in other areas are considerably cheaper than the ones here. So, if you give the couple $50, and the price per guest is $25, you have just "covered your plate."

ETA - what was the name of mansion?

 

[MinnieForMe]

Hi,
We went to a wedding a couple years ago and gave $150. We had to pay for a hotel room plus the price of getting there. However, looking back, I think we should have given more. My inlaws are very generous and financially comfortable, they gave $500 so I figure it balanced us out!

I think $300 is fine!

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

The OP is in a "pay plate" area (and should not get a gift off of the registry, but he or she already knows that).

.........

I had to a Google "pay for your plate" as I had never heard of this.

Wow, in my opinion, this is ridiculous. If you can't afford to pay for your guest's food, cut back the guest list or plan a wedding you can afford.

What's the point of a registry if you aren't supposed to buy a gift from it? Or is that just where wedding guests who aren't invited to the reception are supposed to shop?

I cannot believe what bad manners some people have these days.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/05/manners-mondays_n_3709116.html

 

[kymom99]

If I had to pay the amounts you all are suggesting, I would have to decline the invitations. I gave my niece $100 and thought I was being gernerous! Yikes!

 

[LJSquishy]

I also agree with give what you can afford and are comfortable with. Definitely choose something from their registry if they have one or go with cash.

I never take into consideration the cost per plate (if a meal is served) or the cost of the venue rental. It's the bride & groom's choice to spend their own money on that and they shouldn't expect to be reimbursed for their expenses. We had a very simple wedding.

We can usually only afford to give a $50 gift so that's what we do. At one point in our lives, we attended a wedding and could only afford a $35 gift so that's what we gave. I'm not going to let someone's celebration turn my budget upside down. LOL There is always a celebration going on whether it's a wedding, birthday, etc and our budget can't support all of that. We don't try to keep up with the Joneses anymore.

 

[mjkacmom]

I had to a Google "pay for your plate" as I had never heard of this.

Wow, in my opinion, this is ridiculous. If you can't afford to pay for your guest's food, cut back the guest list or plan a wedding you can afford.

What's the point of a registry if you aren't supposed to buy a gift from it? Or is that just where wedding guests who aren't invited to the reception are supposed to shop?

I cannot believe what bad manners some people have these days.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/05/manners-mondays_n_3709116.html

This custom has been around in this area for at least 50 years or so - it's not new. The gift money isn't actually supposed to pay for the wedding - most people here have weddings they can afford. The gift money is for the couple to use as they please after the wedding, most likely as a down payment for a house. The expectation isn't from the couple - it's from the guests.

The registry is for the bridal shower. All guests are invited to the ceremony, and the reception. All shower guests are invited to the wedding.

Folks here also give similar gifts for other religious celebrations, like First Communions and Bar Mitzvahs. All of these ceremonies are big deals, and many have big celebrations, with marriage being the biggest of all.

Honestly, until internet, I didn't know there was any other way of doing things. There really are no church basement or firehouse weddings here. And this is a very geographically small area that does this. I don't know anyone who has been born and raised here who has any problem with generous wedding gifts - again, this has been the case for many decades.

Why people are so offended by traditions of other cultures really baffles me. It seems pretty ignorant, actually. Now that I know that people give actual gifts at some weddings, and don't always serve full meals, I feel enlightened. I don't begrudge anyone for doing things differently.

 

[writersblock42]

Holy crap! I feel super cheap now
I remember for my own wedding the highest amount that I received from anyone was $250 and that was my very well to do aunt. For the most part, I received amounts ranging from $25-$50. I thought that $25 for a couple was cheap. Now I know that I have been cheap. I never knew.

 

[JanaDee]

What do you do for a wedding gift for 2 people attending?

Do it vary on the venue? hall/catering place/mansion/estate.

Cash or gift from the registry?

The last wedding I went to I felt I didn't give enough @300.00. It very a beautiful mansion in north jersey.

Unless you are the parents, a $300 wedding gift is unheard of here.

A typical cash wedding gift is $50-$75.

 

[eliza61]

What do you do for a wedding gift for 2 people attending?

Do it vary on the venue? hall/catering place/mansion/estate.

Cash or gift from the registry?

The last wedding I went to I felt I didn't give enough @300.00. It very a beautiful mansion in north jersey.

it depends on the person. generally though I'm in the 150 to 200 dollar range. I just went to a baby shower for a young cousin and gave 100 bucks.

 

[JoiseyMom]

The bottom line is you give what you can afford.

I am from a cover the plate, always has been. But I give more or less also depending on the relationship to the person. At my bff's wedding almost 30 years ago, I was broke. I had just left my ex and had 2 babies. I was supposed to be MOH, but had to pass, I didn't want to borrow money to pay for a dress I would only wear once. I did give a gift of $36.00 (chai) at the time, and my bff didn't want to take it from me. Under normal circumstances the gift would have been about $100 or so at the time.

 

[lauradis]

This one has always bugged me.

We give what we want not the cost of wedding.

I wouldn't want to go to wedding where the bride opens the cards and says wow they only gave us this. how rude.

We go to weddings to celebrate the new marriage, wish the family well. not to off site cost of wedding.

 

[drinkme]

Wow. I would hate to think what the bridal couples say about people who aren't giving those extravagant amounts.

People should give what they're comfortable giving. It shouldn't matter where the dinner takes place. Any expectations from the bridal couple is just downright tacky.

 

[mrsclark]

I really really really really think that the average spent on a wedding gift is highly dependent on what part of the country you live in. I think I can say most mid-westerners (probably outside of people from Chicago) think that a gift of $60-$100 is about right, more if you are very close to the couple like an aunt or grandparent.

In our area, gifts rather than cash are still common for the wedding (although plenty of people do give cash).

I would imagine to people on the coasts (rather than here in "flyover country" haha) we might seems cheap, but the cost of living here is much lower than on the coast.

Also if you buy a much more extravagant gift than what is "normal" based on your relationship to the couple, that can come across as showing off.

 

[mrsclark]

I should also away I agree with other posters who said give what you can afford. We invited people to our wedding and didn't "expect" anything from anyone (we knew most people would probably give us something as that is custom, but we certainly didn't feel like we were entitled to anything or that our guests in any way owed us something). That is why they are called a GUEST at the wedding!! The reason we invited people is they were close or us or important to a close member of our family.

 

[Nohal]

I live in the same area as the OP and pretty much pay for the plate. As someone else said the bridal registry is for the bridal shower. There are very few if any wrapped gifts given in our area. The last few weddings I have been to have been in hotels, country clubs, and high end wedding venues, that is just the way it is done in our area.